Dear Readers,

I have decided that I do not like having a “blog” nor do I like “blogging.”  I don’t mind the writing so much, it’s just the word “blog” I hate.  It has the “bl” sound that I associate with “blah” and the “og” sound from “smog.”  The combination is just too, too much.  “Blog” is a bad word. 

I will blog no more forever.

Instead, I have decided to promote myself to Columnist.  After all, if Jocelyn and Lana can get promotions, why can’t I?

Welcome to today’s Column. 

Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m on yet another long flight, or perhaps it’s because I’m on my third rum and diet coke, but I have a strong desire to tell you all (truthfully) what I absolutely hate about preschool television. 

I hate when people ask me if I have children.  I don’t have children.  I don’t need to have children.  I am a child.

I hate the word “Edutainment.”

I hate reading my own deals.  (But I like having deals.)

I hate when people don’t respond to my e-mails.  I would rather have them write, “I got your e-mail and I hate you.”

I hate that the public is not tougher on our industry when we clearly make shows that are designed to sell toys.

I hate that I am not making more money off of toys.

I hate that unions have the misconception that production companies are making a profit on preschool television.

I hate 99% of CG animation.

I hate 99% of children’s music.

I hate when people say, “Don’t you want to make shows for grown-ups one day?”  (I say, “Yes, I wish I had the talent to make ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey.'”)

I hate budgets.

I hate schedules.

I hate when adults talk like children to children.

I hate when people complain about Ming-Ming’s speech. They should be complaining about the lack of money for preschools.

I hate that ice cream is fattening.

I hate when people sit on a yacht in Cannes and say they have no money for an educational curriculum for their show.

I hate that Amy Friedman isn’t doing preschool anymore.

I hate that “Sesame Street” makes a giant Big Bird Pez dispenser.

I hate that Australia is so far away. I would like to be able to go there every day and work for Deirdre Brennan.

I hate that the deals are better in publishing than they are in preschool TV. (“We must insist that you keep your rights.”)

I hate that I didn’t come up with the baby-in-the-sun on “Teletubbies.”

I hate that there are so many things I hate.

However…

I love that you read my blog – I mean, Column.

What do you love and hate about preschool TV?  Let me know.  Really.

Your Columnist,

Josh