And now it’s time for something completely different. This week I have decided to host a little contest in this space. Here is how it works: You are invited to send in the absolute worst notes that you have ever received on a children’s show. These can be pitch notes, script notes, research notes, casting notes, budget notes or any other kind of note you have ever gotten. To give you a sense of the kinds of notes that I’m looking for, below are just a few of the worst notes that I have ever received:
“On page 4 a clown pops out of the Jack-In-The-Box. But when the crank on the Jack-In-The-Box is turned, we hear the tune ‘Pop Goes The Weasel.’ So, shouldn’t a weasel pop out of the box? Am I missing something?”
“We know that your second season hasn’t yet been written or produced but wouldn’t it be cheaper if you just dubbed it now along with season 1?”
“Can you change the lyrics to feature jobs that girls will like? Maybe actress or…hairdresser?”
You get it. And in case you were wondering, those notes are all real. Now, I do have some rules that I would like you to follow. If you’d rather ignore the rules, that’s okay, too. I will just be pleased that you played along at all.
1) You may not submit a note that I have given you.
2) You must not write the name of the show, the network, the producer of the show or anything else that might get you or me in trouble with anyone that we do business with.
3) You may post your note in the comments box below or, if you are the shy type, you may send it to me personally at: firstname.lastname@example.org. If you win and you’d like to remain anonymous, I will refer to you only by the secret code name, “Little Señor Biscuit.”
4) Winners will be announced in this space. I don’t know what the prize will be yet. But it will be good. And you will be able to eat it.
5) I will choose the winners myself based entirely on my mood that day. My decision will be arbitrary, unpopular and irreversible. (Which is exactly how I run Little Airplane.)
6) If you are a Canadian, your submission must have 10 words in it and 6 out of 10 of these words must be written by a Canadian and the other 4 words must be written by a treaty nation that enjoys smoked salmon, ouzo or has an okay cricket team. And, yes, there will be affidavits.
And may the worst note win!